Tell us about good care

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Tell us about good care

Your experiences of baby loss: How did someone help you?

During Baby Loss Awareness Week 2017, we want to raise awareness of what good care looks like to parents who have experienced the death of a baby.

To do this, we’d like to hear about a time someone said or did something which helped you after your baby died.

This could be anything, a few sensitive words or a small gesture. It could be from anyone: a friend, family member, midwife or colleague.

Once you’ve shared your example of good care with us we’ll add it to our website right here. The only criteria is that you use 150 words or fewer and follow our guidelines.

If you’d like to take part, please read through our guidelines and send us your story via email to babyloss@sands.org.uk. Due to time constraints we are unable to respond to all emails, however we will publish all stories that follow the guidelines set out on our Get Involved page.

We have gathered these experiences to provide a useful resource for anyone that would like information on ways to help and support families following the death of a baby.

  • "A credit to midwives everywhere"

    When I found out my babies heart had stopped beating at 32 weeks this June my life came crashing down.

    The midwife who informed us accompanied us throughout the experience. The whole hospital stay, before and after every shift on the day unit, she came to see how we were getting along in the bereavement suite and came to meet the baby and comfort us. This kind gesture backed up the support that was available in such a raw time. A credit to midwives everywhere.

  • "He wrote his own story"

    We had a little boy and when he was born he was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition. The doctors didn’t know how long he would be with us and he fought to stay for 6 months and gave us the most happiness in that time. One of the doctors said to us ‘he is writing his own story’ and that always stuck with us.

  • "It was the sweetest and kindest thing"

    We found out at 12 weeks that our baby had never got past the embryonic stage, and never would. I had a wonderful friend who dropped round a box of treats while we were out at the hospital – a magazine, some chocolate and sweets, a teddy you could heat up to hold against aches and pains, and a beer for my husband. It was the sweetest and kindest thing. That day I wasn’t in a place where I could talk about it or really be around others, and she showed me she cared in a way that meant I didn’t have to be brave and show face.

  • "What she gave me was time."

    We lost our precious and longed for first baby at just over 22 weeks. My Community Midwife really gave me the most comfort after he died. She first came to visit three days after he was born. We drank tea and she held me whilst I cried. The hospital hadn’t told her what happened, she listened to every word with a tear in her eye. She visited every week for a few months. Every time she visited she would go and say hello to the photo of my son on the piano. She made him real, she let me know it was OK to hang onto him.

    She didn’t bring answers, she couldn’t bring my son home. What she gave me was time. Time to grieve and talk about everything that had happened. Time to be Leo’s Mummy, a heartbroken and shattered version of me, who was worth supporting.

  • "Information is power was key"

    We lost out baby last Christmas at 24 weeks due to a genetic abnormality, which was picked up at the 20 week scan. The saying ‘information is power’ was key to us feeling less out of control and more able to decide what to do based on the information we were given by the doctors and midwives, who were all excellent. We had tremendous support from friends and family throughout and we appreciated the people who didn’t shy away from asking us about it or how we were feeling, or just dropping by to say ‘hi’. It gets harder once that initial flurry of support slows – and that’s when you need to support each other. Coming out of this together has definitely strengthened us as a couple and I believe it has also made me more sensitive to other people experiencing loss or tragedy.

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