Tell us about good care

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Tell us about good care

Your experiences of baby loss: How did someone help you?

During Baby Loss Awareness Week 2017, we want to raise awareness of what good care looks like to parents who have experienced the death of a baby.

To do this, we’d like to hear about a time someone said or did something which helped you after your baby died.

This could be anything, a few sensitive words or a small gesture. It could be from anyone: a friend, family member, midwife or colleague.

Once you’ve shared your example of good care with us we’ll add it to our website right here. The only criteria is that you use 150 words or fewer and follow our guidelines.

If you’d like to take part, please read through our guidelines and send us your story via email to babyloss@sands.org.uk. Due to time constraints we are unable to respond to all emails, however we will publish all stories that follow the guidelines set out on our Get Involved page.

We have gathered these experiences to provide a useful resource for anyone that would like information on ways to help and support families following the death of a baby.

  • "She always lets us talk about Rory"

    We lost our beautiful son Rory in January 2016: he was stillborn at 40 weeks and 5 days. We have been fortunate in having tremendous support from friends and family, but one friend in particular has shown us incredible kindness. She always lets us talk about Rory and often mentions him herself too. She also gave us the most wonderfully thoughtful gift of a painting, produced by her artist sister, with his name subtly included in the picture. We don’t feel we can have photographs of our son on display in our home, but we do have Rory’s painting. Now that his sister Bethany has arrived safely, we have commissioned the artist to create a new but similar work for her, so that the lives of each of our children can be remembered side by side.

  • "I did not recognise who I saw in the mirror"

    Two days after Juno died, I was in utter despair. I did not recognise who I saw in the mirror. I felt that I had been traumatised, stripped of motherhood and feared that I would never be able to work as a doctor again.

    A doctor visited me that day; welled up as she shared that she too, had lost her baby in similar circumstances. Her message to me was a small light amongst almost complete darkness:

    “You will survive this, you will have motherhood again and you will not just return to work, but you will return a better doctor, more compassionate and kind, for what you have endured”

    She was like an angel from heaven sent to me in the hospital that day. She had lost her precious baby and here she was, still standing, still practicing medicine, and helping other bereaved mothers in their time of need.

  • "A little reminder of my baby with wings"

    Following my miscarriage last year a friend of mine who had also experienced a miscarriage previously, sent me a beautiful little fairy ornament in the post.

    It meant so much and sits on my dressing table as a little reminder of my baby with wings xxx

  • "I will certainly never forget you"

    Late on in my second pregnancy I developed irregular antibodies. A scan to check the antibodies weren’t affecting my baby revealed that there were abnormalities.  An MRI scan showed our son had extensive brain damage.  At 36 weeks gestation my husband and I made the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy.  Three days later I went into labour.  The two midwives, one of whom was a young trainee, were amazing.  When the trainee was leaving and was saying goodbye, she looked down at our beautiful baby boy, smiled and said “and I will certainly never forget you”.  Her words, acknowledging our son as a person and his impact on her,  even though he’d never taken a breath in the outside world, brought me comfort when my world was falling apart.  This compassionate lady will never forget our son August and I will never forget her kindness and understanding.

  • "I got plenty of cuddles that I will cherish for the rest of my life"

    I want to share my  experience of losing my beautiful son Lucas who was born alive at 15:22  on the 28th July 2017 however passed away in his dad’s arms 20 minutes later.

    I want to share the experience I had at the hospital and how amazing all the midwives and doctors were. My baby boy had a rare condition Potter’s Syndrome which means due to no waters he had no kidneys  and unfortunately my beautiful baby boy was not compatible with life which to this day still breaks my heart. However the midwives helped me and my partner create special memories of him, doing pictures, being able to wash him and dress him and being able to get his hand and foot imprints. Being able to carry our  baby  out of our room alone to the quiet room and all the midwives and nurses doctors and ward staff falling silent for those moments we walked along that corridor to the quiet room. I also loved that we were still able to go visit our baby boy everyday until his funeral. I got plenty of cuddles that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I cannot describes how grateful I am to all those who helped create memories of our baby boy Lucas. Especially my doctor and midwives at Wishaw General

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