Tell us about good care

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Tell us about good care

Your experiences of baby loss: How did someone help you?

During Baby Loss Awareness Week 2017, we want to raise awareness of what good care looks like to parents who have experienced the death of a baby.

To do this, we’d like to hear about a time someone said or did something which helped you after your baby died.

This could be anything, a few sensitive words or a small gesture. It could be from anyone: a friend, family member, midwife or colleague.

Once you’ve shared your example of good care with us we’ll add it to our website right here. The only criteria is that you use 150 words or fewer and follow our guidelines.

If you’d like to take part, please read through our guidelines and send us your story via email to babyloss@sands.org.uk. Due to time constraints we are unable to respond to all emails, however we will publish all stories that follow the guidelines set out on our Get Involved page.

We have gathered these experiences to provide a useful resource for anyone that would like information on ways to help and support families following the death of a baby.

  • "He took away the guilt, the terror and the pain"

    After having two heathy babies I went on to have a stillborn baby and 2 further miscarriages and was at the lowest time of my life. All I kept hearing was “you can’t keep doing this to yourself… your just really unlucky”

    We went to see a miscarriage specialist as a last resort and he sat there and just listened to us talk. Straight away he turned around and said how we were not unlucky we were so lucky to have our two children as I had a blood clotting condition that was causing the  miscarriages. He took away the guilt, the terror and the pain of not understanding what was happening to us. Sure enough with treatment I got my rainbow baby Luke in 2015. I owe my heart & happiness to that amazing Dr’s kindness and knowledge.

  • "Thank you Zara for everything"

    When I lost my beautiful baby Buddy at 24 weeks, the midwives at the Royal London made the worst experience of my life bearable. The two Mabels and Zara looked after myself and my husband, making us cups of tea and responding immediately whenever we rang the buzzer. Zara especially was amazing. I needed the loo and Zara stood in the doorway. Unexpectedly I started giving birth and Buddy was born within 90 seconds. It was Zara who was next to me the whole time guiding me as he was born (there was no time to stop or move), it was Zara who told me to look at her and stroked my back when I was too scared to look down, it was Zara who helped me wash blood from my hands and Zara who stayed with us until we fell asleep. Thank you Zara for everything.

  • "We have found our new normal"

    We lost our baby boy last year.  I went into preterm labour at 23 weeks. He was here, we held him and named him and we cried and we tried to give him as much love as we could in the little time we had. Then he left taking a piece of my heart with him. I never thought I would smile again because the pain was so intense that I didn’t want to. We were lucky enough to receive maternity bereavement counselling and it helped us to grieve and create a space for our baby in our hearts and in our lives forever.  The heartache is still there but we have found our new normal to be able to carry on. This service is invaluable to families who lose a baby.

  • "The care we received was heartfelt"

    Our beautiful boy was born sleeping on 5/10/17 at 6.35 am.

    From the moment I got into the hospital as it was sudden and unexpected, I couldn’t have asked for a better team of nurses and women who took care and compassion to ensure I was supported all the way through the night till our son was born in the most delicate way possible. We got to spend precious time with him in privacy and the care we received was heartfelt at the most emotional time of our lives looking back we couldn’t have asked for any more.

    There is no pain like walking away from the hospital with empty arms but the small touches that were provided to us by the nursing team made the worst day of our life that little bit easier if those are the right words . Thanks to 4louis for the memory box so we could take prints of his hands & feet & the other touches and to Aching Arms for the memory bear which by no means takes the pain away but has helped us explain things to my daughter a little easier. #AB 💙

  • "It is this we choose to hold onto and remember"

    Being told while in labour that my son’s heartbeat couldn’t be found was the most devastating moment in my life. But people were kind, the midwife who moved us to a delivery suite away from crying newborns, the one who handed us Sands leaflets, the one who sat with our son as we left the hospital. The funeral director who made sure the hospital released his body so we could see him again, who said I’ll look after him, who enabled me to change his nappy, who made sure he was always in the quiet room when we went to sit with him.

    We faced ignorance, we faced those who couldn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge our son’s death. We lost friends because we weren’t “getting over” it quickly enough, but we are thankful everyday for the good care we were shown. It is this we choose to hold onto and remember.

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